All in a year's work...

I've been reflecting all day on the past year - thinking at different points throughout the day about what I was doing exactly a year ago at the same time. I can't believe Griffin is going to be one tomorrow. It is mind-blowing how fast 365 days can go by. It's amazing how much a person can change and learn in a year.  Of course, Griffin has changed immensely and the things he learns multiplies every day, but I'm actually referring to myself here.  My son has made me a better, stronger, and more fulfilled human being and I look forward to learning new things from him and our yet to be born children in the future.

Being a mother has taught me about my own capabilities, limits, shortcomings, strengths, and values. I've come to realize what is really important in life - it's not money, although that can make things easier, and it's not my job, although that is a large part of who I am, but it is my family and raising children who are loved that is really important in this life. My identity has changed over the past year and it has taken me some time to really feel comfortable with this. I sometimes still struggle with the fact that I'm not a full-time teacher right now, and I likely won't be any time in the near future. For the past 5 years, this has in large part been my identity and I've found myself grieving for the loss of this person that I was. However, I have come to appreciate my new identity, mother, for what it is - the most important "job" I'll ever have.

Having a newborn really taught me about my limits and shortcomings, but it also made me realize my strengths. I've learned when I need to ask for help, even though I haven't always followed through on this. I've acquired the skill of surviving on very little sleep. I've come to appreciate the nights I am able to sleep through the night (although these are once again becoming few and far between with the middle of the night bathroom trips I've been taking due to my growing belly and shrinking bladder).  I have realized what it really means to put another person's needs in front of my own 100% of the time. One of the most important things that I've learned this year is that there is no "right" way of parenting. Riley and I do what we feel is best for Griffin within our own capabilities and knowledge, and that's all any of us can do - our best.

I could go on forever about the things Griffin has taught me this year about love and about being a mom, but I'm feeling a little misty eyed as I sit here thinking about him and the fact that tomorrow he turns one. So I'll just say this, thank you Griff for being the wonderful little human being that you are, for making us laugh and smile every day, and for teaching me what it really means to love. Happy birthday baby. I love you!